Nightmares and Monsters
by AoifeRose
Summary: Set right after 14x19. Everyone is still a bit shaky after their last case so they find ways to forget. M for what might come if anyone wants to continue reading.
1. Chapter 1

**Set straight after 14x19 'Born Psychopath' and containing spoilers so please don't read if you haven't see it. I don't want to be responsible for ruining an SVU storyline for you. It's just the aftermath of said storyline but still I've read stuff without a warning and been annoyed so please don't unless you want to of course! **

**Also as per usual none of them are mine they all belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. I just like to borrow them for fun. **

**They will not go away. They just keep creeping back in. I'm working on Rizzles but these two will not go away. I'm literally falling asleep writing stories for them in my head!**

**I wasn't going to make this into a multi-chapter, but oddly enough this chapter has come to a natural end but I feel like I could keep writing more for this one. My other Olivia/Amanda stuff has been one-shot. Let me know if you think this could keep going. I value what you guys have to say. **

**This is rated M for a few bad words and the possibility of moving it along with these two. **

It had been the day from hell. The 1-6, apart from Amaro who was heading home with his family decided to head to Maguire's and work it off with some games of pool and a few beers.

Munch came back with two pitchers, 4 glasses and an orange juice for the Captain.

"Man I cannot understand that shit. I just can't. As I said earlier if he'd lived in the projects he'd been in the system by now" Fin said, the anger evident in his voice.

Everyone around the table nodded. They'd all met Henry, they all knew the story. The fact they knew the family were relatively good people didn't make it any less horrifying.

"Definitely one of the most disturbing cases I've seen" Cragen said after a mouthful of his drink. He wasn't normally one to voice his opinion on these things but this case had gotten under all their skins.

Each of the other 4 detectives took a glass and Fin filled them from the pitcher.

Amanda shivered as she thought back to the look in Henry's eyes in the kitchen as he told her she was pretty. It freaked her out completely. It also brought back memories of her old captain. The words he had used the night he'd try to attack her were similar 'You're so pretty Mandy'. But the look of depravity in both their eyes was similar when they said it.

Munch had asked Amanda something but she was lost in thought. It was only when Olivia tipped her on the shoulder that she heard her name. She nodded and smiled at Olivia to indicate she was okay when she gave her a concerned look.

"Rollins, did you get much from the kid when you were interviewing him? Amaro said he thought he had him worked out but then said he realised he was way off more than once"

"Naw I didn't get much from him. Dr. Wong did all the groundwork. He admitted everything he'd done, but we knew it all at that stage".

"Ah to have the power of a psychic if one was to believe in such things" Munch lamented. "At least then we could get these psychopaths before they made their next move"

"Yeah but they're gona always have to make a move first" Fin said.

They all nodded, all familiar with the horrors they'd seen that were that first and sometimes last move.

"He was just a kid" Olivia shook her head as she said it.

"Yes he was detective. But he was a very disturbed kid". Cragen knew this one was going to get in on his senior detective. Cases involving kids always got in on Olivia. But this one in particular was going to be hard. They'd had a handful of cases where the kid was the perpetrator of the crime. And each time Olivia had tried to see the good in them, sometimes she'd even found it. This time they were all clutching at straws when it came to seeing the good in Henry. No one could.

Munch and Fin decided it was time to show off their darts skills as they made their way towards the back of the bar. The Captain had gone to ring Nick to make sure he took a few days and did his mandatory debrief and evaluations before he returned to duty.

Amanda and Olivia sat across the table from one another talking about anything but the case. It ranged from what perfume Olivia was wearing to the top Amanda had on last week to the new law passed on using cell phones while driving to why they'd taken popcorn out of the vending machines. It was all very banal but neither woman was willing to go back to that dark place, neither wanted to be in that mind frame anymore, even though talking about it was the only way to banish the demons. Eventually the guys re-joined them at the table and began to argue about Charlie Sheen, how he was probably quite a nice guy and how the media, in Munch's eyes, were making him out to be far worse than he was. Olivia rolled her eyes. Much more of that and she'd have to drink a pitcher all of her own to forget this entire week, but this conversation in particular.

She looked at over at the 1-6's other female detective and saw a very distracted look on her face. Amanda Rollins was physically here; mentally she was a long way away. Olivia reached her hand to her left to squeeze the blonde's arm making her jump

"Hey. You ok?"

"Sorry I've gotta go"

The guys hollered "Goodnight" at the back of the retreating figure but Olivia knew that look, had seen it before in Elliot and knew it meant trouble. She said her goodbyes and followed hot on the blonde's heels.

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Olivia spotted the blonde on the opposite side of the street as she walked out of the bar. She was backed up against a wall, bent double, looking like she was trying to catch her breath.

Olivia crossed and was beside her in 30 seconds.

"Rollins?" She realised Amanda was having a panic attack as soon as she reached her.

"Rollins, look up at me." She didn't do as instructed so Olivia hunkered down in front of her so she was looking up into her eyes.

"Amanda its Olivia. Breath with me" She started to inhale and exhale slowly to try and show Amanda what she meant.

It took a minute for Amanda to even register Olivia's presence as she became unsteadier on her feet, her head spinning. Olivia put her hands on Amanda's hips as she pulled herself up and forced the blonde to stand straight, making it easier for them both to get air into their lungs.

"Rollins, look up!" Olivia's voice was controlled and commanding.

She felt the blue eyes meet hers and she reiterated "Breath with me"

Amanda began to copy Olivia's breathing as she repeated "in" and "out" slowly. It took her a few minutes to regulate her breathing but eventually Amanda came back to herself and her legs steadied.

She looked into Olivia's eyes and saw an understanding that said 'don't worry, been there done that'. It comforted her and she was finally able to say what had been bothering her so much in the bar.

"He's 10 and he's locked up. What am I so scared of?"

"It's ok, I get it." Olivia squeezed Amanda's elbow. Amanda brought her hand up to cover Olivia's where it was squeezing.

"He actually scared me Liv."

"He scared all of us".

"He killed a dog he almost killed his sister, he shot Nick for God sake. What makes a kid like that?"

"I don't know Amanda, I really don't. I've asked George so many times 'why?'. Most of the time he has a medical answer that satisfies the detective in me. But there was never an answer that satisfied me as a human being with emotions".

Amanda nodded. She noticed Olivia's fingers had intertwined with hers and were holding hers tighter, the cold chill in the air caused her to shiver. She turned into Olivia's body and felt Olivia's arms slip around her shoulders. She knew they both needed this, to feel another person, another person who knew what was going on and just cared enough to be there in that moment. She slipped her arms around Olivia's waist and pulled her in tight against her, trying to block out the world, just for a few minutes.

She spoke into Olivia's shoulder: "I wanted to punch him. Taking his statement I wanted to stand up and punch him. What makes a grown woman want to punch a kid? What kind of person does that make me?"

Olivia held on tight as she whispered into Amanda's ear. "It makes you human". She gently ran her hand over Amanda's silky hair, stroking her hand along her head, neck and back. The warmth was so comforting that both were reluctant to pull away.

They stood there for a long time just holding one another. They didn't see their Captain walk out of the bar. He spotted the two detectives and smiled to himself. His main concern was how Olivia was going to get through the night. And if it was in Detective Rollin's arms it was fine by him. Codes of Conduct be damned. They'd all seen too much in this job not to grab happiness when it was there to take and hold on tight with both hands.

Olivia pulled back and looked at Amanda, fear still present in both their eyes.

"I've a bottle of white wine in my fridge waiting for me, I hadn't planned on coming to Maguire's tonight. Do you fancy joining me?" She figured they might as well be scared together as alone.

"Yeah sounds good". Amanda stuck her hand out and hailed a cab. Olivia gave her address and they chatted all the way back to Olivia's apartment about sociopaths and psychopaths and the different kinds they had come across, not referencing any one case in particular since they were still technically in a public place. The taxi driver was relieved when he dropped them off. He didn't want to hear anymore of that conversation.

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They took a seat at on the sofa and placed their glasses on the coffee table.

"Does it get easier?"

Olivia thought for a minute; "Not easier, you just get used to it. That sounds impossible. And all of the guys will tell you a case involving a kid will get you every time"

"Even if you don't have any of your own?"

Olivia paused for a minute as she thought of Calvin.

"Yeah even when you don't have of your own"

"I don't think if I stick at this job I could have any of my own. I'd be too afraid they'd turn out like Henry"

"You'd make a great Mum Amanda, don't think that"

"With my genes? They'd probably end up a cross of my Dad and Kim. And a bit of my addictive personality thrown in for good measure". The sadness in Amanda's eyes was unmistakable. Olivia had seen it in her own face a million times when she looked in the mirror. Would any child of hers turn out to be like her father?

"I get it, believe me"

"Screwy family?"

Olivia wasn't sure how much she wanted to share but then she realised the alcohol had been talking and dictating some of her actions so far so she could blame it on that tomorrow.

"Rapist father, alcoholic mother. And I'm a product of rapist father who turned said mother into an alcoholic

Amanda turned to look at Olivia, her eyes wide. But it wasn't shock it was concern.

"Jesus Liv" she reached a hand out and rested it on Olivia's knee. Olivia covered it with her own "That must have been hell on you. How do you do this job given all that's involved?"

"Suppose it's to catch evil like my father and lock them up" Olivia didn't really want to expand and she knew Amanda wouldn't push.

"I suppose we all have something that motivates us to do this job. For me it was my ex captain. And Henry." She shuddered "Well the look in his eyes brought that night back full force smack in my face"

Olivia recalled what Amanda had told her before about her captain trying it on.

"He really got to you, the Captain I mean?"

"Yeah but you had similar happen to you undercover and you aren't half as nutty as I am about this case"

Olivia smiled "You're not nutty Amanda, you're just still a bit more hopeful than me. It's good to see. Some days when I wonder why I'm still doing what I do, you, Amaro and the rookies remind me there is hope. And putting the sons of bitches away for a long time helps too"

Amanda nodded agreeing with the last bit and held up her glass for a toast

"To locking up the sons of bitches"

Glasses clinked and Amanda finished off the last of her wine.

As Amanda went to stand the room began to spin a little bit. "Wow I have seriously had a bit too much to drink. Haven't drank like this since Kim wrecked my place and Fin took me out for the night". Bless him he watched me drink away my problems while he was on orange juice all night so he could drive me back to his"

Amanda realised she was waffling but it was because Olivia had gone quiet and was staring off into a place she couldn't see.

"Liv?"  
"Hmm? Sorry yeah?"  
"You ok?"  
"Sorry yeah I'm ok, just started thinking too much"

Amanda sat back down beside her, slightly closer so she could put her arm around the taller detectives shoulders.

"Liv, I'm sorry, I dragged up too much. You didn't need that. It's been a long week."

"I did need to talk, I just don't think anyone but Elliot has ever known so much about my life and still wanted to be around me."

Olivia leaned in to Amanda's embrace. Her eyes were shut tight but a tear had escaped the corner of one.

Amanda saw it straight away as she was concentrating intently on the detectives every move.

"Oh hush babe, come 'ere". Amanda sat back into the cushions of the sofa and pulled Olivia with her. She wrapped her into a warm embrace and stroked her hair and back whispering soft reassuring words into her ear. She kissed her temple and felt Olivia relax into her arms. Olivia bent her legs up on to the sofa so she could curl right into Amanda. It felt like forever since she'd been held and actually wanted it."

Amanda slipped her arm under the detective's bent legs and brought them forward to put them across her own legs causing Olivia's head to lull gently on to her shoulder. She leaned in further and wiped the other tears that had now fallen and leaned in again to kiss her temple gently for reassurance. But this time Olivia moved her head and looked up just as Amanda moved in. They stopped frozen, looking at each other for a few moments, before Olivia leaned in and kissed Amanda's lips softly. She pulled back to look at the blonde who had ducked her head and was smiling shyly.

"I'm sorry" Olivia began to apologise just as the blonde looked up at her.

"No I'm actually not sorry, that felt so right." They laughed simultaneously and Amanda began to draw small circles on the base of Olivia's lower back.

"It did feel really right. But Liv I don't want this to ruin things. I love working with you and I love the challenge of SVU. Our conversation earlier might have lead you to believe I want out. But you guys have my back and it's something I've never experienced in either my personal or professional life before"

"I can be professional if you can"

"I can always be professional. I'm just not sure I could keep my hands off you in work if we started this"

"Ooh quick fumbles in the car between crime scenes, you do know how to woo a girl"

Olivia winked and they laughed together again, this time louder"

"Seriously Liv can we do this and be ok?"

Olivia thought about it for a while. She'd managed it before with Cassidy and Barba even though it hadn't lasted.

"I think so. I've done it before and there haven't been problems"

"You have?"

"Uhoh, I said too much"

Amanda slapped her on the arm and laughed "So go on then detective who has had the privilege of getting up this close and personal?"

"No one important" – she leaned in to kiss the blonde again, slightly more insistent as she slipped her tongue between the blondes slightly parted lips.

Amanda moaned into Olivia's mouth and put her hand at the nape of her neck to pull her in to delve deeper. She felt like she could gladly allow this woman to devour her whole.

Eventually when oxygen became a necessity they reluctantly pulled away. Olivia gazed into those beautiful blue eyes, which were dark with desire.

"I was gona say we should take this slow, but your hand has been rubbing my back so much that my skin is on fire and I'm so wet I'm not thinking about anything except you touching me"  
Amanda moaned again, much longer and louder this time as she put her arms under the legs still across hers.

"Detective Benson you really know how to talk a girl into bed"

Olivia laughed as she felt Amanda swoop her up and into her arms.

She put her forehead against Amanda's gently. "You sure?"  
"Kiss me again". Olivia leaned in and kissed and Amanda nodded as she spoke against Olivia lips, "I'm sure"

They walked towards the bedroom trying to miss every obstacle while continuing with soft persistent kisses.

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**So should I keep going? Don't worry I won't if no one isn't interested. Don't like foisting this stuff on people just because I like writing these two together! And I'm not saying review or I won't give you anymore ;) I will but only if you want it! Thanks in advance for any feedback and I'm going back to Rizzles now, see where they've been and what they're planning next for me :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**As always none of them are mine. I just like to play with them.**

**Chapter 2:**

The bed was so warm when Olivia woke up that she had to push the sheet off herself. It took her a few seconds to realise two things, she was completely naked and there was someone staring at her. She almost jumped out of her skin until her brain kicked into gear and she looked over to the door to see Amanda standing against the frame in a blue shirt, knee bent, one foot and her back and head leaning against the jamb.

"Mornin'"

Olivia blushed and pulled the sheet back up over her lean body turning her head so she was looking straight ahead

"Oh detective tell me you're not getting embarrassed"

"Embarrassed no. Having flashbacks yes". Olivia squeezed her eyes shut.

Amanda walked over to the bed and knelt up so she could straddle Olivia's waist. She leaned and kissed her neck sucking gently where she'd found a point of weakness last night, leaving a little red mark. As she leaned in further the shirt rode up to reveal her beautiful pale backside, still minus her panties. She moved her attention to Olivia's dry lips, which suddenly became very wet thanks to Amanda's attention.

When she pulled away Olivia's eyes were still closed.

"Liv?"

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at the concerned blonde straddling her waist.

"Amanda I'm fine"

"You don't look fine"

Olivia closed her eyes again and Amanda climbed off afraid she was putting too much pressure on. She placed her hand on Olivia's stomach and started to draw circles on it through the sheet.

Olivia turned to look at her and sighed. "I am fine Amanda honestly. I get like this after sex. I think too much. I start to analyse what I did, what the other person did, if they enjoyed it, if I could have done better. What comes next?"

"Ok woah, slow down, that's a lot of information to get in one go"

Olivia's gaze never wavered as she said, "Welcome to my world"

Amanda moved in closer so she was lying flush with Olivia's now shivering body. She reached down for the comforter and pulled it up, realising she had the unfair advantage of a shirt. She removed it so they were on an equal footing and Olivia smiled in appreciation.

"Ok Olivia this is how it goes in my world – you ready?"

Olivia just nodded

"Last night was amazing. And I mean that. It's been a while since sex, and longer still since sex with a woman, Kate to be exact, and well she left me a little bit broken"

Olivia reached a hand out and stroked a piece of Amanda's soft hair back behind her ear as she concentrated hard on the personal information Amanda was sharing.

"I'm sorry about Kate"

"Don't be" Amanda shook her head slightly. "Took a while but I'm over her. Anyway that's beside the point. What I was saying was, last night was amazing. I know we had a lot to drink and I know it had been a hard week. We were scared and well the invite was for wine"

They laughed together – it had become a natural occurrence the night before. They shared a similar sense of humour and various tangles that occurred and errors of approximation brought much laughter as well as moaning and screaming throughout the night.

"But seriously, as the night went on that wine was well out of my system. And I could have stopped if I'd wanted to or you could have stopped me"

"I didn't want to"

"Very glad to hear it, pretty sure I would have lost my job otherwise"

She nudged Olivia's chin up with her fingers her other hand still on her tummy, now under the sheet, drawing circles.

"Ok to answer your questions we did an awful lot of stuff – stuff that will give me memories to smile at for quiet a while. In particular that memory of you lying on top of me, pressed into every crevice whispering about things you'd like to do to me, most of which I forget because of the proximity of your fingers to my clit"

Olivia tried to duck her head but it was held up by Amanda's fingers.  
"I think we've already covered whether I enjoyed it or not, but in case you're in any doubt I did. And if you can do any better than that I'll certainly be hanging around to find out if you're worried about what comes next"

Olivia still had a concerned look on her face so Amanda leaned in and kissed her. A long sensual kiss, tongues battling to gain dominance. Amanda threw her leg over Olivia's hip and caught her hand to gently bring it down between her legs, which were now spread wide. Olivia moaned into her mouth as Amanda guided her fingers through her folds.

"Just in case you needed any confirmation I enjoyed it Detective Benson" she whispered into Olivia's ear, "You feel that, you caused all of that wetness, all night long into this morning and in fact this morning while you were asleep I had to take care of myself again because you got me so dam hot and bothered"

Olivia smiled into the blonde's neck as she kissed it gently.

"Hmm Liv you leave a mark and you're explaining it"

Olivia smiled into her neck. "Thank You for talking me down a bit. I don't know what happens, I just get like this"

"Liv it's ok, it happens to all of us. You just take it out on yourself harder. And there's no need to. Cause believe me I haven't come like that with another person ever and I mean evveerrr".

"Amanda we have to get up and half an hour and if you keep talking like that I'm not going to be able to think about getting you naked again all day long"

Olivia took her hand from between Amanda's legs much to her protest but her protest quieted as she watched her suck every finger clean.

"You total tease"

Olivia leaned in for a quick kiss and scooted out of the bed

"I am indeed a tease detective. And if you're willing to stick around and find out what comes next you might just find out how much of a tease I can be"

Amanda threw her head back against the pillow and groaned in sheer frustration.

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A/N Thank you for the encouragement to keep going guys. Really appreciate it. I've a bit more to go so I'll keep adding on if you like.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the lovely comments guys – I really appreciate them. There are some hints to 4x20 here so just be warned. Obviously I'm ignoring bits of it otherwise we know Olivia wouldn't be with Rollins – but I'm just taking a few bits for continuity. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3**

As they sat down to dinner on Friday night at Olivia's place the distance was palpable. Amanda was a million miles away. She was dwelling on the heartache of the week gone of the young woman who had lost her life, the young woman she knew wasn't alright, but who she couldn't do anything for. It was an experience Amanda was all too familiar with, knowing what was best for someone but having it thrown back in your face because the person had other ideas.

"Mand?" Olivia knew she had been talking to herself. She wanted to get the blonde out of this destructive train of thought.

"Hmm?"

"The Gala, what do you think?"

"What?"  
"Sorry, horrible week I know where your head is, don't worry. God one of those idiots called me Ma'am – I almost hit him for that alone"

Amanda chuckled. "Would have liked to have seen that alright".

"Mand you couldn't do anymore than you did"

"I know, I just…" She couldn't finish the sentence and she didn't really need to, Olivia already knew. She moved her chair closer to Amanda's and pulled her in gently to kiss her on the cheek. "I'm here when you need to talk, any time you know that?"

Amanda nodded and pulled back. "Sorry you were saying something. What's up?"

"Captain asked, sorry told us all, to attend this charity gala in aid of officers injured in the line of duty on Saturday night if we're not on. You were there but you weren't – bit like a few minutes ago"

"Sorry Liv"  
"It's ok hun, just let me know yay or nay on whether we are going so I can get back to Cragen. Huh, actually, that's weird."  
"What"  
"Well the Captain told me to ask you tonight what you thought. Why would he presume I'd be seeing you tonight?"  
"Well don't look at me, I can control my hands unlike you Feely McFeelerson with your hand on my ass at the photocopier where half a dozen people could see."

"Me?" Olivia looked at her indignant and reiterated "Me?" What about you and your total inability to allow me to leave a room without having your eyes follow me, don't think I haven't noticed. The Captain probably did too". Amanda laughed but she realised Olivia didn't join in.  
She looked panicked for a few seconds and Amanda reached beside her to touch her arm. "Liv, calm. Did he say anything else?"  
"No"  
"Well he probably just meant to tell you to tell me whenever you saw me with my head out of the clouds but got confused, or thought we were heading to Maguire's after we were done"

"Hmm maybe" Olivia wasn't convinced but she wasn't going to labour the point. "Anyway now that your head is out of the clouds, do you own a dress?"

"Eh no I think my so-called sister took them all" It was taking Amanda time but she was slowly but surely building her wardrobe back up.

"Ah ok yeah. Well this thing is black tie. So we might have to have a little shopping expedition"

Amanda groaned. The reason her wardrobe was building up so slowly was because she hated shopping. It brought her back to the bad days when she used to lose so much she couldn't make rent and then win so big she'd buy so much stuff, including clothes, that she didn't have enough to make rent again. Either way she lived in quite a few dives.

"Ok, only if we can stop half way for lunch at that bakery on W59th though"

Olivia laughed. Amanda had fallen hard for the chocolate éclairs that they sold in this particular bakery. Olivia had made the mistake of a detour there one morning before work to get cakes for the squad and she was now a regular. Amanda ran them off of course, the rest of the squad weren't so lucky.

"Ok deal"

Amanda's fingers were drawing circles on Olivia's wrist and she slipped her hand down to intertwine her fingers.

"Show me what you're going to wear"

Olivia frowned "Why?"  
"I just want to get a preview before everyone else"

Olivia nodded. If it was going to make Amanda happy she was more than willing to do it. She stood and kissed her quickly on the lips and then headed towards the spare room after making the blonde promise she wouldn't peak.

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When Olivia came into the lounge area twenty minutes later Amanda was sitting patiently, eyes closed, on the sofa.

When she saw a shadow in the corner of her eye line she knew the Detective was standing there.

What she saw when she opened her eyes took her breath away.

Olivia's hair was brought up in twist at the back a few stray curls falling down, she hadn't re-done her make-up but Amanda knew it really only added a bit of colour to an already naturally beautiful face. And the dress; Amanda followed it with her eyes, from the wide straps of the shoulders to the small v that hinted perfectly at those breasts Amanda loved to lavish attention on. The waist was synched in with a red band of sheer material that you could almost see through. The dress continued on its figure-hugging trail over her curves to calve length where it stopped and some black tulle had been sewn along the bottom - a similar style to the red, slightly see through.

Olivia stood there, and on hip, right toe pointed showing off red heels that were a perfect match for the material in the middle of the dress.

Amanda's mouth was open but no words were coming out.

Olivia was secretly proud she could cause that kind of reaction in anyone. She questioned sometimes who in their right mind would find her attractive. But seeing the look in Amanda's eyes right now made her think she was desirable and beautiful. Amanda made her feel beautiful. She chided the blonde to hide the embarrassment; "Close your mouth or you'll catch flies Rollins. So you approve?"

"I… eh… hmm"

Olivia smiled "Cat got your tongue detective?"

Amanda didn't have an answer. She wasn't thinking in a coherent pattern, she just needed to act.

Amanda got up off the sofa and approached her and grabbed the red clutch that Olivia was holding from her hand, throwing it on the sofa behind her. Olivia had 4 inches on her in the heels but it didn't matter, there was that much force behind the pushing Amanda did to get her up against the nearest wall, Olivia didn't have time to resist. Almost simultaneously she felt Amanda's lips on hers and her hand beneath the dress pushing it up to her waist. Amanda used the other hand to pull the clip out of Olivia's hair.

Amanda said in a low husky voice "You cannot wear that to any gala because I won't be held responsible for the whole of NYPD seeing you naked when I rip it off you with my teeth". Olivia loved how Amanda's accent became more pronounced when she was turned on. It made her aroused in response.

Amanda turned Olivia around and pinned her against the wall. The dress was now riding up around Olivia's hips and Amanda smiled into the back of Olivia's neck when she realised she had no underwear on.

"Pretty sure of yourself aren't ya?" Amanda moved Olivia's hair aside and bit down gently on her neck leaving a mark her hair would cover the next day.

Olivia could only moan in response as she felt Amanda bite her and slip her finger slowly forward and into her wet folds. Amanda pushed the dress up slightly more so it was resting on Olivia's hips and turned her around again.

"I need to see that face while I do this"  
Olivia smiled as the kissed the blonde frantically hands running through hair, finger nails digging in, breasts being squeezed through clothes. Amanda however, had only one destination on her mind.

She pulled away from the kiss and dropped to her knees in her tight dark jeans, her pale pink top riding up slightly to show off her flat stomach. Olivia caught a glimpse of that small bit of skin and made a mental note to mark it later so that when Amanda's top rose up tomorrow if she stretched she'd see it and remember what they'd done the night before. They'd started leaving little marks on each other here and there as a reminder and to cause a smile when glimpsed in the mirror,

Olivia's eyes closed tight, her breath hitched in her chest, her hands stroking through blonde hair.

Amanda knelt there just looking at Olivia for half a minute, enjoying the look of arousal on the beautiful brunette's face. She barely touched her and Olivia was already wet, Amanda couldn't resist anymore and had just request as she moved forward "watch me Liv"

Amanda's tongue ran the length of her lover's folds, circling her outer lips and moving to the inner ones. Making one long line from the entrance of her vagina to her clit she stopped and took Olivia's clit into her mouth and sucked it so hard Olivia tensed and grabbed her hair much tighter

"There Mand, ah fuck there, don't stop" Olivia's heart was beating a mile a minute and she was gasping for air.

"Mand, inside please" Olivia wasn't above begging when she was this turned on. And she'd been turned on since half 2 this afternoon when Olivia had whispered in her ear about how she was going to 'fuck her hard' when she got her home.

Amanda opened her mouth and took the skin surrounding Olivia's clit into her mouth, her clitoral hood causing friction. Amanda was playing a game with Liv. She knew this wasn't the inside she was talking about but she wanted to hear her say it"

She continued sucking and when she looked up she saw a spark in the older detectives that told her she was in trouble later for prolonging this agony – Amanda couldn't wait to feel that trouble.

When Olivia caught her breath again she clarified

"Amanda Rollins… put your fucking … fingers inside… me now" she panted it out eventually

Amanda smiled and rested her head against Olivia's pubic bone to catch her breath

"Your wish is my command"

Amanda inserted the tip of her index finger inside Olivia, gently circling. Olivia cried out in frustration and Amanda relented.

She slipped two fingers into the mounting wetness and slid them in and out with ease. She was amazed at how wet Olivia was. They sometimes used lube because it took some time for either of them to get aroused when they were stressed, which was often in their line of work. Right now Amanda was able to slip a third finger in with ease and she felt Olivia push herself hard down on the three fingers, trying desperately to cum.

She knew what was needed and she wanted to hear Olivia scream. She had just one request again "Liv look at me"

Olivia pulled her head away from the wall and opened her eyes to look at the blonde between her legs. She watched as Amanda moved in and took her clit into her mouth again, swirling her tongue around, her subsequent sucking mirroring the speed of her fingers.

"Oh oh fuck Amanda, I can't, yes…" Olivia kept her eyes wide open as she felt herself fall over the edge into orgasm, felt the fingers inside her curl and hit her g-spot, eventually feeling the mouth sucking on her clit withdraw to be replaced with a tongue lapping gently, easing her down.

Olivia was finding it extremely difficult to stand. She had put her hand on Amanda's head to steady herself while she was taking her, but now as the orgasm wracked her body she couldn't find her balance. She started to bend over but just as quickly she felt an arm across her hips and stomach holding her upright. She felt Amanda's fingers slide out of her and Amanda began to stand up slipping her hands around her waist and feeling Olivia's head fall against her shoulder.

After a few minutes she felt Olivia move off her shoulder, her breathing calmer.

"You ok?"  
"Eh I can't walk, other than that I'm fine"

Amanda kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered into her ear  
"Well if you can't walk maybe we should go lie down?"

The only response she got was 'mmm' as she guided the dark haired detective to her bedroom.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Honestly I cannot figure out how to write post 4x22 so for the purpose of this I'm going to say it happened and it's a few months later and all is well again. I talked to the TV a lot through that episode! Some small spoilers here and there just be warned. **

**Chapter 4**

"Liv I'm serious stop"

"Mmm, but you taste so good" Olivia said smiling into the blonde's neck.

Their ability to keep their hands off one another was waning. Liv had her hands in the back pockets of Amanda's jeans massaging her ass, pulling the blonde as close as she physically could without removing her clothes. They were in the alleyway behind a café having a few minutes to themselves in a hectic week.

"Detective if we don't reappear in the next three minutes with this coffee there's gona to be mutiny. We've been up for 18 hours and I've had sweet smiles and amazing flash backs to keep me going, but the guys aren't so lucky.

"I love how much you care about everyone else"

"My mama taught me to be a domestic goddess from the age of five. You know how important it was for her that we found the right man? She had our first dates picked out for us when we were about ten years old".

Olivia kissed Amanda softly and pulled back to look into those eyes, the key to her soul Olivia had learned in the few months they'd been seeing each other. They hadn't put a label on what they were doing but they'd settled into a comfortable routine of a few nights in Olivia's, a few nights in Amanda's, a few nights apart thought they were getting less and less.

"So who was your first date then?"  
"Poor guy called Noah when we were sixteen. He hadn't a clue what he was doing. Not that he tried anything. Was too scared of me"

"I can imagine"

Olivia laughed as Amanda slapped her on the arm. "Ok come on, this coffee is getting cold"

She kissed her once more quick and hard and kept one hand in her jeans pocket as she turned them round to walk back to the prescient.

The hand was removed two blocks away and they proceeded inside to give the 1-6 their much-needed boost of caffeine.

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They'd picked up a case of a rapist who'd struck three times in one week. One P.P. was on Cragen's phone morning to night. The media frenzy was at its usual level reporting that SVU was incapable of protecting the people of New York City. Munch and Fin were out doing door to door and Amanda and Olivia were taking turns patrolling with Amaro. They had a vague description from the second victim, white, mid-thirties, tall, tight cropped hair, black scarf over his face, black hoodie. Not much, but something.

The Captain looked exhausted as he walked out of his office.

"Amaro, Benson I just had Lamont on the phone. One of his parole officers has been complaining that a recent parolee isn't sticking to his curfew. He did three years for rape. Fits the description apart from the age – he's mid forties. But go pick him up. Might not be him but he might know something, a little bit of bartering to make the parole violations go away if you get me?"  
Benson nodded but Amaro shook his head.

"Captain I booked a few hours off last week. Gil has a ball game and well since he's just gotten to know me, I don't want to let him down"

Cragen wanted to object. But he'd seen SVU destroy Olivia's chances at a family and almost destroy Elliot's family so he knew better.

"Sure, sure. Rollins, Benson, you got this?" He was hesitant to partner them, not knowing exactly what was going on but having a good idea that it was still going on given the exchanges he'd seen. But he had no choice.  
Both women nodded as they argued over who was going to drive all the way to the car.

Olivia won by wrestling the keys from the blonde's hands after she'd stolen them twice by tickling Olivia. She protested through the tears streaming down her face from the laughter but eventually gave up.

As she drove Olivia's ability to concentrate was diminished greatly by the beautiful woman in the seat beside her running her fingers up and down along the inseam of her linen trousers.

"Mand I swear if I crash you are gona have to explain it to the Captain how it happened and he is like a bear with a sore head right now"  
Amanda reluctantly moved her hand away causing Olivia to moan. She came so close to telling her to put it back. But they were almost at the apartment block.

Walking up the steps to the front of the old apartment block there was a need for a strong stomach as the smells of a community not really caring about their rented accommodation seeped into every pore. There was a need to dodge discarded boxes, buggies and needles in the stairwells and Amanda thought back to a time when she actually lived in a place like this for six months. A shiver ran down her spine and Olivia, walking behind her, placed her hand on her lower back seeing her tense up.

She asked quietly "You ok baby?"  
Amanda nodded "Mmhhmm, bad memories" Olivia made a mental note to ask later.

They reached the top of the stairs and the first apartment on the left was 302. Olivia knocked and they identified themselves as NYPD.

There was no response as she knocked again, this time shouting louder "NYPD open the door".

The door opened slowly, the chain still on and a pair of manic eyes looked out through the gap.

" Richard Butler?" asked, already knowing the answer.

"No"

"I know it's you. I've seen a photo Butler. Open the door."

He closed the door again before Olivia got her foot to it. Olivia stretched her arm to knock again. As she did the door opened and he charged at them. He pushed Olivia towards the wall but hadn't seen Amanda. She blocked his path but he shoved her hard and she tripped on a loose floorboard falling backwards down the set of steps leading to a small landing before the main set of stairs. Butler jumped over the blonde's slumped body and ran out of the building. Olivia had regained her balance and was at the top of the stairs, radioing for backup when she saw Amanda.

"Fuck, Mand". She raced down the steps and fell on her knees at the blonde's side radioing for a bus as well as back up.

Olivia didn't want to move the smaller woman because she was afraid of neck injuries. But she'd never wanted to cradle someone in her arms and protect them as much she did right now. Instead she ran her hand down the side of Amanda's face and leaned in close to check her breathing. She felt warm breath on her face and a tear trickled down her face.

"Rollins, this is not the time to be messing with me. I've seen you trying to fake sleep to get out of doing the wash-up and you're rubbish at it. Another tear fell when she got no response. "Mand please baby wake up"

She watched closely as the blonde moved her fingers on her left hand. Olivia reached down and grabbed them, lacing hers into them.

"Liv?" Amanda's voice was croaky.  
"I'm here baby I'm here. Stay still, it's ok" She moved her hand up to stroke the blonde hair, noticing some blood in it.  
She heard the paramedics coming up the stairs as she spoke.

"Medics are here, stay still"

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Cragen watched Olivia as she paced up and down the artificially lit corridor. He put his hand up to stop her.

"Liv you're gona make yourself dizzy. She's gona be fine, take a breath"

Fin had gone for coffee and Munch was holding the fort with Amaro.

Olivia looked up at the Captain and resumed pacing. Cragen knew in his heart this was why they didn't let co-workers date. But he'd seen Olivia smile a smile last week that he hadn't seen since her first week on the job. So he was damned if he was getting in the way of that.

The doctor came out of Amanda's room and Olivia practically jumped him.

"How is she?"

"She's lucky, very lucky. Couple of bruised ribs, a cut to the side of her head a bang to her right elbow that might need some physio but other than that she's conscious and making sense"

Olivia let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She uttered a distracted "thanks" and asked if she could see her.

"Yeah of course"

It never registered with her that the Captain wasn't coming with her.

She walked into the room to see the blonde propped up against some pillows her eyes closed, some stiches on the right side of her forehead, her right arm in a sling to immobilise her injured elbow.

Olivia was about to retreat when she heard a voice from the bed.

"Hi"

"You're awake"

"Mmmhmm. Did we get him?

Olivia laughed, of course, getting the bad guy always up there on her list of priorities.

"Uniform got him about four blocks away". They'd heard about what had happened to you so he had a busted lip he was complaining about coming in. Oddly enough no one knew how he got it"

Amanda started to laugh but her ribs hurt too much.

Olivia saw her wince in pain and approached the bed quickly. She knew she could do nothing to help, but she wanted to be there.

She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over Amanda's face, her fingers lingering on her lips as she leaned in to kiss her

"You scared the crap out of me"

"I'm sorry"  
"Don't be sorry. I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't protect you"

"Liv don't be daft, I'm a big girl"

"I know but…" Olivia's voice trailed off and she leaned in to kiss the blonde again just as the door opened and Fin walked in

"Coffee?"

Cragen was hot on his heels "Fin"

But he was too late

"What the hell?" Fin's voice rang around the room.

"Fin" Olivia was panicking but Amanda took her hand firmly in her own.

Amanda lowered her voice as she said to Olivia "it's ok sweetie, I got this"

Olivia looked at her but she knew she had to trust her lover on this one. She knew Amanda had a closeness to Fin that she didn't.

Olivia stood up from the bed squeezing Amanda's hand one last time and walked out into the corridor with the Captain.

"Captain…"

Cragen cut across her "It's okay Liv, I know"  
Olivia looked at him, her eyes wide.

"As far as I'm concerned once it doesn't affect you in work it's not my business"

The fatherly concern overtook him as he took a step towards his senior detective and put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed tight. "She's okay Liv. And she can handle Fin"

Olivia smiled, yeah she can.

She watched through the blinds as Fin talked with his hands. It was quite a funny sight. But he wasn't angry he was admonishing Amanda for not telling him.

"Are you happy Mand? I mean really happy?"

"Ok read my lips Fin. I have never been happier. She makes me… well I can tell you the x rated version or I can tell you the clean version"

"Clean, Jesus clean. You're like my little sister"

"Ok she makes me smile, she makes me laugh, and she makes me a little bit crazy. I've a feeling she could be special"

"I just didn't know you liked chicks"

"I'm not really that discerning to be honest. I fall for people not their gender. I suppose you'd call me bisexual but I'm not a big fan of labels"

"Me either. Once you happy, that's all I care about. And hell if it makes Benson happy too even better"

Fin leaned in to hug her gently and whispered in her ear "but if she messes you about I'll have her ass".

Amanda laughed but the pain in her ribs reminded her what a bad idea it was.

"I can handle myself big man but thanks"

"Any time. Now rest"

Fin walked into the hall and hugged Olivia "you be good to her you hear me"

Olivia nodded into his shoulder "Always"

He nodded his goodbyes and left. Olivia went back in to sit with the woman she realised was slowly but surely getting into her heart.

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As they sat on the couch wrapped in a large fleece throw Olivia stroked the blonde laying in her lap.

"I'm awake detective and stroking me hair like that is not going to help me sleep. It's just making me horny"  
"Are you serious. You have a head injury, bruised ribs and a wrecked elbow. Come to think of it, do you actually think about anything else other than sex?"

"When it's sex with you no"  
"You absolute tease.

"Takes on to know one"

"I'm not taking advantage of you when you're injured"

"Who said anything about taking advantage of me?" Amanda turned and gave Olivia that smile that turned her inside out. She leaned in to kiss the blonde, gently sucking her tongue when her lips parted causing Amanda to moan into her mouth. As she started to massage the blondes stomach through her shirt she felt her stomach tighten and the moan turned to a slight keen of pain.

"Come on, we're going to bed and we're going to sleep, nothing else"

Amanda wanted to protest but her body was telling her all she was fit for was sleep.

"Ok but payback is a bitch you do know that"

Olivia laughed. "I'll take my chances blondie, now move your cute ass".

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Shopping with one arm and bruised ribs turned out of be a chore of epic proportions. Thankfully Amanda had help. Unfortunately it wasn't the help she wanted. Amanda hadn't been out alone since Butler had levelled her a week earlier and Olivia wanted to make sure someone was with her as much as possible, just in case. Fin was the only one off and he wasn't exactly up on the latest fashion trends. The last thing he wanted to do on his day off was watch Amanda try dresses on, pretty and all as the view was. But Olivia had threatened him with all of the floaters that came her way for a month, claiming migraine to the Captain, if he didn't go with her. And the thought of all those dead bodies made him reconsider. However Fin's stock reaction to anything Amanda tried on and showed him was "hmm yeah"

So after an hour and a lot of help from the sales girl she gave chose a baby pink one strap floor length dress with diamanté detail on the shoulder and a white wrap.

Fin escorted her home ensured she was up the stairs and in the door before he left lest Olivia accuse him of not doing his job.

She hung the dress up in the back of Olivia's closet hoping it was well hidden enough that she wouldn't see it. Though with one arm that wasn't easy. She removed the support on her elbow to do some of the exercises the physio has recommended. Her ribs were healing but she was still sore. Olivia had been so gentle with her, making sure she had everything she needed, driving her to appointments making sure dinner was ready before she left for work so all Amanda had to do was heat it up. Amanda was scaring herself slightly by seeing Olivia doing all of this and thinking she could get used to it. Thinking the future could be pretty amazing if this is what Olivia was like in her role as carer. Thinking about a family… And that's where she stopped thinking because that was getting way out of hand.

She heard the door close and she walked out into the sitting room to see Olivia removing her jacket, gun and badge. It was early but she'd been gone since yesterday and Amanda knew by the look in her eyes that she was shattered.

"Baby?"  
Olivia walked towards her and wrapped her in a hug, careful of her ribs and arm, kissing her neck lightly as she laid her head oh her shoulder. She inhaled deeply and stayed still for what seemed like an eternity trying to forget the last few days. Amanda had spoken to Fin about what they were working on and she knew that Olivia was particularly invested in catching this guy because of his history of abusing kids. She wanted to save the world and Amanda knew that would always be her downfall. But Amanda was trying to slowly but surely make her realise she was doing all she could, going above and beyond in many cases.

"I forgot what you smelled like" Olivia whispered into Amanda's ear.

"What sweat and mint air freshener from Fin's car" Amanda laughed.

"Oh how did it go?" Olivia hadn't let Amanda go. She needed to hold on for a while longer.

"I got something but you're going to have to wait and see"

"You've gotten this tease thing down to a tee haven't you?"  
"I learned from the best". Amanda moved back a few inches and placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's lips.

"Bad Day?"

Olivia nodded.

"Don't want to talk about it?"

"Not really"

"Mmmkay. Come on" Amanda took Olivia by the hand and moved towards the bedroom.

Olivia followed without question. She didn't want anything but to feel Amanda right now. She was craving the feeling of this woman on her, against her, inside her, everywhere. But she reminded herself to be gentle. It was so difficult because Amanda was passionate when they made love. She enjoyed being dominant and wasn't afraid to verbalise exactly what she wanted. Olivia had been introduced to a whole new side to sex that she didn't know existed. A side involving her pleasure and places in her own body she didn't know existed.

As they lay fully clothed on the bed Amanda was stroking Olivia's hair and neck rubbing circles on the nape of it to relax her brunette. She moved closer to the woman in front of her and began to kiss her slowly, gentle little nips on her lips at first, just enough to pique Olivia's attention.

When she slowly parted her lips Amanda closed the last bit of space between them and began to deepen the kiss. Olivia moaned into her mouth as she felt Amanda's tongue thoroughly explore every bit of her own. Olivia's arm slipped to Amanda's waist and she began to massage her firm ass through her sweat pants.

But Amanda wasn't letting this be about her. Tonight had to be for Olivia. She knew how much she needed to forget and be held.

"Baby put your hands behind my head"

Olivia continued to massage Amanda's ass loving to knead the muscle and soft skin. It was one of, in her eyes, Amanda's best features. A little nudge from Amanda made her do as she was told with a slight mew of protest.

As she slipped her hand down to Olivia's sex she whispered, "Don't move your hands from where they are until you cum ok?"

"Uh-huh" was all Olivia could manage.

Amanda began to rub Olivia gently at first, the rough material of her jeans causing enough friction to get her excited, not that she wasn't already. A glimpse of the blonde caused her heart to skip a beat.

As Amanda pressed harder she used the hard meeting point at the centre of the seams to massage up and down Olivia's slit.

Olivia's breath was starting to get shallow. Amanda managed with some difficulty to open the button and fly on her black jeans.

Amanda began to run her fingers lightly over and back along the top of Olivia's pubic bone, making her shiver. Her breath was getting raspy and Amanda knew what she needed. She rubbed slow circles from her belly button down to the apex of her thighs, deliberately avoiding the wetness that was starting to pool. Olivia was desperate for contact so desperate she grabbed Amanda's wrist. "I can't Mand please, please. I love it when you tease me, I do. But right now I need you"

Amanda grazed Olivia's lips lightly as she whispered, "Ok ssshhhh I got you, just let go ok?" Amanda realised that she needed to be gentle. There was time for taking and restraining and being rough. Right now Olivia needed to feel, it was that simple it was time to just feel.

Olivia nodded against her neck as she burrowed in and pushed her hips hard against Amanda's hand, which was still on her jean clad crotch.

Amanda slipped her hand into Olivia's jeans and under her pink cotton underwear, finding the wet heat that was waiting just for her.

Olivia bit her shoulder lightly as she felt Amanda slip her index finger into her folds. Amanda screamed but she knew it wasn't Olivia's intention to hurt her, she was just begging for relief.

Amanda moved her finger down and began to circle Olivia's opening.

She felt the hands at the back of her head pull her in tighter.

"I've got you baby" Amanda said it she slipped two fingers into Olivia's copious wetness stalling for a moment to allow Olivia to feel her.

"Ah yes yes, Mand"  
Amanda started to move her fingers slowly inside her lover, never sliding out; wanting her to know she was there.

"What do you want baby?"  
"Move slow"  
"Ok, ok"

Amanda removed her fingers almost totally from Olivia and then slid them back in. She set a very slow rhythm letting Olivia's body tell her what to do.

As Olivia gripped her neck tighter her hips began to move faster and Amanda knew this was her prompt to move faster with her.

As Olivia's hips began to buck up she left her fingers inside but quickened her pace curling her fingers in gently to stroke the point right at the front of Olivia's walls that made her moan long and hard.

She could feel Olivia tense up as she put her forehead against hers and whispered "I've got you baby, let go, cum for me" Amanda pressed her thumb hard to Olivia's clit as she said it and with a few hard rubs against the soft bundle of nerves Olivia tensed and Amanda felt her walls grip around her fingers, spasms wracking her body as she came hard, her breathing coming in rasps, her arms wrapped tight around Amanda's neck.

The aftermath of her orgasm was lasting much longer than usual and Amanda pulled back when she felt wetness against her shoulder, which Olivia had burrowed back into.

"Hey, Livy, I got you, c'mere". Amanda wasn't used to seeing Olivia vulnerable and her heart broke a little as she watched her lover cry.

She held her as she cried quietly, her tears soaking her shoulder and the pillow. Eventually the shaking stopped and Amanda slid away slightly so she could lift Olivia's chin up to look into those beautiful eyes. Like Olivia, Amanda had realised her eyes really were the window to her soul.

"Day that bad huh?"  
"I just, I needed you"

"That's ok hun, I needed you too"  
"I just, I couldn't get home quick enough. I almost broke 2 red lights"

Amanda laughed, "Liv I am not going to be your excuse for traffic violations"

Olivia smiled "See it's that. It's knowing I'm coming home to someone who knows, who gets it and who just wants to make it better"

She sighed as she pulled her sweater off over her head. "Babe I really need you naked right now"

Amanda looked at her quizzically "Was that not satisfying enough detective?"

"God no it was amazing, you are amazing. I just need to sleep naked in your arms"

"I know, I was only teasing, c'mere"

Amanda helped, in so far as she could with one arm, get Olivia undressed. And Olivia did the same for her. As she curled herself into Amanda's body and felt her soft skin meld against hers she felt content, safe, at home. Things she hadn't felt in a long time.

"Can I ask you something" Amanda's voice was tentative as she spoke.

"Of course. You got something on your mind?"

"More of a wondering"

"A wondering, hmmm I'm intrigued"

"Does this feel right to you?"  
Olivia looked scared as she stared into those blue pools that she so easily got lost in. She shook slightly.

"Oh hey, no, oh God please don't cry on me"  
"I'm not" But Olivia's eyes were betraying her.

"Ok I usually don't start this stuff, emotions aren't my thing but here goes. This feels so right to me. It feels like I should be here, like I was meant to be here"

She watched Olivia's shoulders visibly relax down the tears brimming in her eyes disappearing.

"The Captain and Fin know about us now. And given the way Munch has been giving me a sly look every time I walk away from your desk either someone has told him or he has a crush on me. I hope to Jesus it's the former". They both laughed and Olivia's demeanour was now totally unguarded.

"I just wondered, em, I just… aww hell I don't know how to say this"  
"Go on just say it" Olivia encouraged.

"Ok can we just tell people? Can we say this is a relationship? Can I call you my girlfriend and soppy crap like that?"  
"Oh how romantic" Olivia said in a mocking damsel in distress tone

"Shut up Benson" she said as she slapped her playfully on the arm.

"So can I, can we?"

"I'd like nothing more. I know what you mean. This feels right. It felt right from the first time I kissed you and although my nerves have gotten the better of me occasionally, I've never regretted one minute. So yes you can tell anyone you want. I wouldn't go broadcasting it though because you'll break hearts' Olivia winked and Amanda laughed. She leaned in and kissed Olivia softly, probing her lips to allow her tongue entrance. Once in she played for a while, sucking Olivia's tongue, tickling her cheek and generally making out like teenagers until she finally had to come up for air.

"Keep kissing me like that Rollins and I'm gona forget you're injured"  
"You can have me any time you want. But right now you need to sleep. And I want to hold you tight while you do. Sweet Dreams baby"

"Night sweetheart". Olivia came very close to saying the L word as she closed her eyes but she knew there was time now that Amanda was sticking around. And that made a relaxing sleep so much easier to slip into as she felt a soft hand on her tummy and a firm body pressed into her from behind making sure she was safe.

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**A/N Please fell free to R&R if you think I could do anything better. I've one or two chapters to go so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Going to make this the last chapter of this one because 1. I'm shock after the Season Finale and 2. I want to try something else with these two that's floating around so I don't want to be working on two at the same time and getting confused. It's hard enough not mixing them up with Rizzles ;) There's a bit of bad language in here but it's a necessary evil. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy x**

**Chapter 6**

The night of the ball Munch and Amaro decided it was their turn to step up and man the fort. Nothing to do with the fact that neither of them would be seen in a tuxedo if their life depended on it. Fin was renting one for the night and joked with the Captain that he was paying for it considering he was making them go. Cragen refused but he promised he'd buy the first round to calm the general disquiet running through his Detectives who were used to their trousers and shirts and pullovers as they made their way to the Mahon Centre in all their finery for the gala event.

_Earlier in the night_

Amanda and Olivia decided to get ready at her place since Amanda's dress was already there and she was still missing vital pieces of furniture like mirrors and a sofa in her apartment. They showered together which did nothing to help with their time keeping. But the orgasm Amanda had made it all worth it for both of them. She was free from the constraints of a sling and although her ribs were still sore the pain was much more manageable. Her cuts were healed so she was almost back to normal if she didn't turn too suddenly. The Captain still had her on desk duty but she hoped to be back out in the next week.

As they stood wrapped in towels in front of the mirror hair wet, skin glistening eyes hungry Olivia wondered how they were ever going to make it out the door.

She was licking the droplets of water off Amanda's soft skin. She parted the towel letting it fall to the ground and slipped her hands down to Amanda's stomach drawing light circles with her thumbs. Amanda couldn't support her weight anymore so she leaned back into the taller detective and moaned out loud. Olivia kissed her hungrily as she turned her head to look at her.

"Liv, baby, come on. We have to get ready. I… Oh…"

Olivia had moved her hands up and was kneading her breasts, twisting her nipples and causing Amanda to rely more heavily on her for support.

"God I don't think I'll ever get tired of touching you do you know that?"  
Olivia gazed at the blonde in front of her in the mirror, eyes closed, lips parted, breathing deeply.

"But you're right we have to go"  
Amanda opened her eyes and looked at the brunette behind her as she removed her hands from her breasts.

"You… I'm actually going to kill you do you know that?"

Olivia laughed as she picked up Amanda's towel and handed it to her.

"Yeah yeah whatever"  
"You've seen me Detective. I'm a good shot" Olivia ran as Amanda attempted to swat her with the towel.

'I'm going into the spare room to get ready otherwise I'm gona have to have you again and then it'll be all guilty looks and apologies to the Captain tomorrow".

Amanda groaned but nodded knowing Olivia was right. "Go quick before I take you where you're standing Detective". Olivia walked over and kissed her deeply, taking a minute. When she pulled away she looked straight into blue pools and said, "Later I promise, you're mine". She winked and left.

Amanda moved to the wardrobe to retrieve her dress. She was wet and sticky and her clit was throbbing but she didn't have time to tend to herself. Plus she didn't want to. She wanted to wait for her girlfriend to fulfill her promise of later. They met in the living room forty minutes later. Unbeknownst to Amanda Olivia had bought another dress. Amanda too had changed her mind about her dress and gone back to the store without a chaperone where the same sales girls fought off two others to help her pick out another dress. Amanda knew a crush when she saw it and was a little embarrassed. But the girl had taste and she'd studied Amanda closely the last time she'd been there so she knew what suited her figure perfectly. When Amanda got home she found the girls name and phone number in her bag and laughed. She used it to tease Olivia later about how she could have her pick and then made love to her to remind her she was the only woman she wanted.

Now as they stood taking each other in they were both speechless. Amanda had on a dark purple knee length dress with a floaty skirt straight neck and small sleeve. Her hair was loose and lightly curled in places and her make up was minimal and not really required. Strappy silver sandals and a silver clutch finished off the look. Olivia was wearing a strapless dark turquoise floor length dress and black sandals. Her hair was pinned up, curls falling down without permission but looking like they were there on purpose. She had a smoky effect on her eyes and sheer gloss on her already naturally plump lips. A small black shawl finished it all off. It was taking all the resolve both detectives had not to rip said dresses off and go back to bed where they'd spent most of their afternoon off.

Olivia cleared her throat "We should go". Amanda nodded not trusting her voice. As they got to the door she found it.

"You look beautiful" Amanda stopped in the hallway to take in Olivia's form from behind.

"You look amazing Mand. I…" there was that l word again on the tip of her tongue.

"Let's go. The cab is downstairs"

_Present Moment_

Sitting surrounded by NYPD's finest Fin was pulling at his bow-tie complaining about how it was strangling him Amanda was watching Olivia, Olivia was keeping an eye on her dress to ensure her breasts remained solely for her girlfriend's eyes and the Captain remained eternally grateful that these things only happened once in a blue moon.

Dinner was delicious which made up for the price tag of $100 on the tickets. And the presentation of awards to men and women who had shown heroic attributes in the face of danger reminded everyone in the room why they did the jobs they did. Amanda reached under the table and took Olivia's hand as they listened to a story of a cop who had been stabbed four times by a drug dealer but managed to get up and chase him, passing out on him as his backup arrived. He lost four pints of blood but he put a notorious drug dealer behind bars and survived.

There wasn't a dry eye in the banquet hall as the final award for courage was given to the wife and daughter of a police officer who had lost her life in the line of duty as she drove her police car in front of a drunk driver in a truck to prevent him plowing into a school bus. Amanda squeezed Olivia's hand tighter as she grazed her lips lightly over her cheek. The crowd stood to give Amelia and her daughter Robyn a standing ovation. Robyn held a picture of her Mommy Amy in her hand and kissed it as people clapped.

Amanda's hand remained in Olivia's as they stood parting only to clap and then returning to hers as they sat down.

The dance floor was cleared of tables as everyone moved to the bar. It was Fin's round so the Captain and the ladies moved to the seating area. Cragen watched as the two women settled so naturally beside one another fingers entangled staring at each other like first time lovers. He smiled to himself. Fin came back with the drinks. He'd obviously caught someone's eye at the bar because there was a beautiful statuesque Latina woman in a cerise floor length gown watching him.

As the music started the younger eager crowd headed for the floor. The Latina came over and introduced herself as Naomi and asked Fin if he'd like to dance. The Captain and Amanda laughed as Olivia gave him the thumbs up. He looked like a nervous teenager at a school disco as he took her hand and they joined the others.

Cragen excused himself when an old friend beckoned him from across the room.

Amanda stood and held her hand out to Olivia.

"Oh no I don't dance"

Amanda feigned a horrified look "What have I done? I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't dance"

Olivia laughed as she took Amanda's hand, still protesting as she fixed her dress with the other and they walked towards the dance floor.

Thankfully someone had had the foresight to hire a band who knew how to play decent music as opposed to the hits of the 70's DJ that they had been subjected to at the Christmas Party two years previous.

Amanda and Olivia stayed at the edge of the floor still debating who was going to lead as they fell into a natural rhythm laughing about who would look better in Fin's tux.

As the band began to play 'Amanda' by Boston Olivia smiled and slipped her arm around Amanda's waist. Now seemed apt.

"I do you know?"  
"You do what?" Amanda was so lost in the music and swaying in Olivia's arms, their bodies fitting together perfectly, that even though she knew the words to this song in her sleep she was lost.

"Listen to the last line"  
Amanda continued to move against Olivia, their eyes on each other, lips inches apart as they danced. Amanda's eyes filled with tears as she heard it, admonishing herself for having forgotten it in the first place.

She leaned in and captured Olivia's face in her hands as she locked their lips in a deep kiss. As she leaned back she blushed realising what she'd done but not really caring. She whispered into Olivia's ear "I love you too"

People around them were smiling and nudging each other. Some who knew Olivia and the few who knew Amanda were happy for them. They knew that happiness didn't come around often in this job and when it did you had to grab it with both hands – kind of like Amanda was doing with Olivia's face right now.

There was always one who had to be heard of course and had Amanda not stopped kissing her at that moment and moved her arms back to Olivia's waist she would not have heard it.

"Fuckin' Dyke. No wonder Stabler left. Probably caught her fuckin' his wife"

Olivia tensed and felt the arms around her waist close in tighter. Amanda turned her head to look at the man.

"Sorry Officer…?" Amanda asked through gritted teeth.

"Detective Reed. Rollins right? What you doing honey, didn't your Momma teach you this shit is just not right"  
Olivia felt an arm move from her waist but she grabbed it with her hand.

"Don't, he's not worth it hun"

"Hun, ha have you heard this Jones'" Reed shouted to his friend standing a bit away.

"These two lesbos have lil nicknames for each other". His friend Jones looked suitably embarrassed and returned to dancing with his wife.

A hush was falling over the dance-floor as the loud drunken detective continued to hurl abuse at Olivia and Amanda. Then very suddenly he shut up mid sentence. Olivia saw Fin behind him his wrist clasped right on the two bones that makes one think you're having your wrist broken if you don't know better. Fin pushed Reed up the stairs off the dance floor into the seating area and slammed him against the nearest wall still holding his wrist. Olivia, Amanda the Captain who had heard the commotion and Reed's date, followed them closely.

"Now Reed I only know you by reputation" Fin barked into his ear. "Thankfully I've never had to work with you. Because how scum like you gets a badge is beyond me"

Reed tried to struggle but Fin dug in tighter and slammed Reed's face harder into the wall. "Now those two ladies there are my colleagues and that lady, and I use the term loosely, that you brought with you is quite a well known face to us. He had said nothing earlier when he had seen Reed with Carly. She was a prostitute and SVU knew her, she'd helped them out a few times so Fin just assumed Reed didn't know and since Carly had been helpful he let it go. Now he turned to her and said "Darlin' I think it's time you left, I'm sorry and whatever he was meant to pay you we'll get it to you".

There were a few shocked gasps behind them as Fin said it. Reed tried to protest his innocence but it was clear Fin was telling the truth when Carly left.

Cragen was about to step in but he saw Fin hold up a finger up to indicate he had one more thing to say and stepped back.

"Now Detective – and again I use that term lightly. You're going to turn around and apologise to my colleagues for being an asshole and then we're going to get back to having a good night". He grabbed Reed and turned him around still holding his wrist.

When he didn't comply immediately Fin kicked his ankle.

"I… I'm sorry" Reed spat

"Oh I think you can do better than that Detective. Although whatever charm school your Mama sent you too I'd be telling her to get a refund"

"I'm sorry, ok, I'm sorry"

"Good" Fin said as he released his wrist. "Now run away little boy, run away"

Reed headed for the door head hanging and Fin got more than one slap on the back as he returned to the dance floor. Cragen checked that both Olivia and Amanda were ok before he sought out Fin to pretend to reprimand him for the sake of show. Really he congratulated him while telling him for those who were able to hear to rein it in.

Amanda's eyes were soft and supportive as she looked at Liv. "Home?"

Olivia nodded and their finger entwined again as they retrieved their shawls and one of the concierges's hailed a cab for them.

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They chatted in the cab on the way home about what a dick Reed was. Amanda was worried the Olivia was going to freak. But she was surprised by her girlfriend's response.

"I was so scared about telling you I loved you and the fact you said it back was the end of me being scared. Had Reed pulled that crap before I said it and you said it back I think I would have punched him and quit. But I had you in my arms and you had just said "I love you". Everything else was irrelevant"

Amanda laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and she gently kissed the top of the blonde's head wrapping her arms around her. They stayed like this for the rest of the journey.

The apartment was cold when they got back so they decided bed was the only place to be. That and Amanda had decided just for the sake of reassurance she really did need to show Olivia she loved her.

When they got into the bedroom Amanda walked over to Olivia who was standing in front of the full-length mirror they'd been looking into earlier. She kissed her bare shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist watching the detective relax. Amanda loved to watch that moment at the end of each day when Olivia just let go. When she was no longer Detective Benson, counselor to the victims, badass detective, star witness. When she was just her Liv, hers and hers alone.

"Baby"

"Hmm?" Olivia had leaned back into Amanda's warm embrace and was just lost in the feeling this soft body holding her.

"Open your eyes for a minute"  
Olivia did as she was told and saw Amanda's blue eyes staring into hers as she rested her chin on her shoulder

"I love you"  
Olivia smiled "I love you too"

She moved her hands up and began to unzip Olivia's dress. Olivia stepped out of it. The turquoise corset and silk turquoise underwear she was wearing underneath cost almost as much as the dress. Amanda was contemplating leaving the corset on because she could see a slight wet patch forming on the silk panties but she knew Olivia would be uncomfortable and she wanted to feel her completely naked. She felt Olivia reach behind her and unzip her dress pushing it off her shoulders. Both dresses were discarded on the floor and Amanda walked towards the bed, Olivia in front of her as she spent too long trying to rid Olivia of the expensive corset.

"You're gona pay for making me wait this long to get you naked and leaving me in such a state earlier, you do know that?"

Olivia laughed "yeah yeah whatever Rollins" She felt kisses down along her back as Amanda slowly but surely opened the corset and exposed more and more skin. The laughing stopped and a moan escaped as Amanda rid her of the corset and pulled her down onto the bed with her cupping her breasts and kissing the back of her neck.

"I need to show you how much I love you" she said into the detectives shoulder.  
Olivia turned around and kissed Amanda quickly "Show me" she said breathlessly.

Amanda curled tightly into Olivia's back, pressing her breasts against her slipping her hand down between their bodies scratching Olivia's back as she went, eliciting more moans.

"That feel good baby?" She got a low moan in response. She felt Olivia tense as she slipped her hand into her underwear and massaged her ass, her muscles clenching as Amanda kneaded her deeply with her fingers. Olivia tensed further as Amanda moved her hand down to cup her fully from behind. She started to feel that familiar heat and wetness the signaled Olivia's desire. Amanda felt Olivia's weight rest down and forward onto her wrist and she knew her lover was desperately willing her to move her fingers. But Amanda was enjoying the little bit of dominance.

"Are you ok Liv?"

Olivia grunted as she bit the pillow beside her "Fine, why do you ask?"  
"You just seem a bit, oh I don't know, your legs are shaking a bit. Are you cold?"  
Olivia groaned into the pillow "You know I'm not cold Mand"  
"Tired?"  
"Amanda Rollins I swear to God"  
"I love it when you use my full name, gets me so turned on"

"Manda, please"  
"Please what baby?"  
"Please, I'm so wet, Please"  
"I know I can feel it. My wrist and fingers are soaked"

Olivia was finding it impossible to speak in full sentences anymore and there was only one thing on her mind

"Fuck me!"

Amanda smiled into her neck "Well why didn't you just say?"  
Olivia groaned as Amanda's fingers came into contact with her clit. She jumped the first time, as she was so sensitive. Amanda soothed her by stroking her hair and her shoulder as she continued

"I've got you baby, just let go" It was Amanda's mantra that she repeated to Olivia every time they made love tenderly and slowly, she knew Olivia needed to know she was safe.

Amanda moved her fingers away from Olivia's clit and slowly entered her with two fingers. She settled her thumb against her perineum and continued to move her fingers in a slow rhythm in and out of Olivia's mounting wetness.

"Bit quick… Mand Jesus, quicker please, please baby"

"You gona come for me Livy?" Olivia nodded against the pillow.

She quickened her pace adding a third finger to the wetness that was now soaking her hand

"Baby, you nearly there?" She watched Olivia nod quickly.

"Ok try and relax for me, I want to try something". She slipped her thumb slowly through the ring of muscle and into Olivia's ass. Olivia screamed into the pillow momentarily but regained her composure and adjusted to the new position realising how good it felt

"I'll be gentle I promise" Amanda said quietly

She resumed moving her fingers while leaving her thumb stationary. Olivia's movements were getting more erratic and Amanda knew she was close. She started to make a slow circular movement with her thumb noting that Olivia had moved her own hand down to stroke her clit, which Amanda couldn't reach.

"Oh fuck Mand, yes yes… I'm ah…" Olivia's body jerked forward and stopped in place for a moment as wave after wave of pleasure hit her with force. She slowly fell backwards against Amanda who was still moving her fingers gently inside her. She felt another spasm as Olivia rode out a second smaller orgasm continuing to rub her own clit. She left her fingers in place and allowed her to take everything she needed. Eventually she felt Olivia push her pelvis down indicating for her to remove her fingers. She watched the brunette turn in her arms and close the gap between them to kiss her. She felt Olivia's tongue against her lips immediately, demanding access. She smiled as she let the detective in and was rewarded as the Detective sucked her tongue; one of Amanda's guilty pleasures, one that Olivia knew turned her on. Especially when done in time with the stroking of fingers between her legs.

Amanda prayed that's what Olivia had in mind and was disappointed when she pulled back. But then she saw the mischievous glint in her girlfriend's eye and her insides flip flopped because she knew what was coming. She watched Olivia as she kissed her way down her body, stopping momentarily to suck and bite lightly on each nipple causing Amanda's hands to go straight into her hair.

As Olivia settled between her lover's thighs she placed gentle kisses in a triangle all around before using her tongue to lap gently at some of the wetness that had built up. She smiled as Amanda moaned and tried in vain to push her head in further.

"Patience beautiful, patience"

"Nnhh"

"I know, I know but you made me wait, I think it's only fair"  
She felt the fingers withdraw from her scalp and watched as Amanda managed to pull herself up onto her elbows and look straight down at her.

"Olivia Benson if you don't put your mouth on me in the next ten seconds I am going to make you do all my paperwork for a month. And don't think I can't. This blonde hair and these blue eyes and the recently injured thing can get me far"

Olivia laughed as she resumed her ministrations but she knew teasing Amanda was only fair for so long.

She returned her mouth to the blonde's wet sex and licked a line from her slit right up to her clit taking it in her mouth and sucking hard. A few moments of that had the blonde flat on her back again, hands in her hair. "Liv baby, please inside, I need your fingers in me"

Expecting to have to beg Amanda was taken off guard when without warning Olivia plunged two fingers fully into her. Her hips came up off the bed and Olivia had to use her other arm to hold the blonde down so she could take her back into her mouth. She began a circular motion with her tongue on Amanda's clit and could feel her walls starting to contract on her fingers

"Livy, I'm gona cum baby, I'm… fuck yes" Amanda's hips strained against Olivia's arm and mouth as she came hard, wetness gushing onto Olivia's hand. She'd never come so hard before and she was almost embarrassed. That was until she returned her gaze to the woman between her legs licking her clean. Then all she think was how quick she could do it again.

Olivia kissed her way back up Amanda's body as she moved up the bed to lie beside her. She leaned in to kiss her and Amanda could taste herself on her tongue.

"Mmm you taste good" Amanda smiled.

"Yes I do, I taste very good thanks to you" Olivia slipped her tongue out and licked her top lip for emphasis as Amanda leaned in to kiss her again.

"Are you okay?" Amanda asked "Tonight was pretty rough?"

"I'm more than okay. I'm in bed with the woman I love, who loves me to. And now my daydreams can shift from sex and fun to the future and what it might hold" Amanda pulled a comforter over both of them as she started to feel the cold.

"What do you see in the future?"  
"Us"

"And?"

"Us together?" Olivia laughed as she saw the stern look Amanda gave her.

"Ok, em, well for starters I think we need to stop pretending you're ever moving back into that apartment and just move in here"

Amanda squealed as she threw her arms around Olivia and giggled into her neck.

"You sure?" She asked tentatively "Cause I can keep my place for a while if you like"

"No, do it Amanda, I want to do this right. I want us to be together. I want to be with the woman I love"

"So this is the future?"

"This is the start of it yes"

"What comes next"

"My God Rollins you're like a dog with a bone"  
"Can we get a dog?"

Olivia laughed. "Yes we can get a dog if it'll shut you up"

"Oh Lord have you learned nothing yet Detective. I don't ever shut up. I even talk in my sleep"  
"I noticed"

Amanda snuggled into Olivia as she pulled the comforter tighter around them.

"What else?"

"You want more?"

"Uh-huh"

"I don't know… what do you want?"  
Amanda smiled as she looked into her girlfriend's eyes

"I want us to be together with a dog in the garden, so a garden requires a house – nothing fancy I don't do fancy. You, well you're never gona stop being a badass detective are you?"

Olivia shook her head.

"So I guess" she took both Olivia's hands in hers as she moved them to her stomach "the little ones are going to have to grow in here".

There were tears in Olivia's eyes as she listened to Amanda speak. She'd never even dared dream that what she wanted would be what Amanda wanted too.

This time Amanda joined her as they both shed a few tears.

She pulled her girlfriend into a tight embrace as she told her the rest of her dreams including a SUV a swing set and a massive gas range for her to cook on.

As Olivia listened the tears subsided and she smiled as she listened to all the plans Amanda had for their future.

As they fell asleep both women were sure that they were safe, they were loved and they were going to have a future together.

Quiet murmurs of "I love you Mand" and "I love you too baby" could be heard as the detectives fell asleep in each other's arms.

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End file.
